5/17/02 - Wasted

I almost died. It wasn't the first time I'd had close calls, its not like in the movies, you don't have your entire life flash before your eyes (and for a vampire, that could be a very long flashback). In fact, its not even until after I was standing there, the man who attacked me on the flood, cut down by Walker's blade, that I even realized how close it was. But I had plenty of time to think on it, an injury from his bite that took days to heal, a bitter reminder of my own mistakes.

I didn't tell Pipe right away, I knew it would upset him, because I had sent him out on other tasks and he wasn't there. I thought I could get away with it, but I was wrong. He's actually very perceptive in his own casual way. By the time it came up, I was over my histrionics though, which was a good thing and helped keep the dramatics at a minimal. Pipe has a very practical way of approaching problems, and in a way its very refreshing, no need to discuss or negotiate - just problem, then solution.

I haven't seen Bukowski in several days, and when I do see him, something about him seems "hollow", but I'm not a great judge of emotion or mood, so I can't really trust in that judgement. Kalista returned to the seat of primogen, after Marcus gave up the position in the interest of clan unity - or so he says. I think its more in the interest of keeping Kalista happy, which doesn't speak highly of Marcus' own motivation. Nor does it bode well for future dealings with Arkady Filitov. I just cannot imagine why the Malkavians would pressure him into reinstating Kalista when its obvious he doesn't trust her judgment, which also makes me wonder if he trusts any of the primogen to advise him, no council meetings have ever been called by the Prince himself, it almost seems like he ignores them, or they're for show, and the one person he actually requested, actually wanted, threw the offer back in his face. Doesn't bode well at all.