8/7/02 - Dejavu

You'd think I'd learn a lesson that I get taught over and over again. That is, not to get too attached. Maybe its just a byproduct of my materialistic self, getting attached to things, ideals, people, and no matter what, it always ends badly. Though I think I'll recover a little faster from worldcom losses than I will from the others. Or maybe not, all I really gotta do, is acquire new things, and wait for them to disappear. My sire would tell me that such losses and tragedies make you stronger, that they'll get easier over time. (Granted he said that shortly after relieving me of certain assets). I'm not too sure I agree with the philosophy, it doesn't get easier, it just means we cease to care about anything. I think I'd prefer the pain than feeling nothing at all. And such as it were, another retainer of mine, Faust is sequestered by someone of higher status. It's almost funny, would be funny, if I wasn't so miserable about it. Kalista demanded Bukowski months ago, similar situation. Let me tell you, its not any easier to swallow the second time around. Maybe its for the best, I've never had a retainer hate me the way Faust did, and I'm pretty sure I can't fix it - but still, its the principle of the thing. Arkady said that the Gangrel left because they got tired of giving to the Camarilla and not getting anything back. I can understand that, the Camarilla does take everything they can and then some. All you really gotta do is get a title and a position, and you can take whatever you want. And Elena wonders why I have such an aversion.....